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04/23/2004: "Fourth Time's a Charm!"

Aside from talking about clipping my daughters toe nails, this will be the most personal post to date. Sit down and enjoy my white trash family!

So.... How do I start this? I was just talking to my Mom (the best mom in the world just in case you're wondering) on the phone. My Mom and Dad are in the process of moving out of the house I grew up in and we were talking about the requisite garage sale they had planned with my sister for tomorrow. My Mom then breaks the news to me that they're not going to do the garage sale on Saturday because my sister decided not to do it. Before I could ask why, my mother says, that my sister doesn't want to get stressed out over the garage sale because she's getting married the next weekend. Now at this point I'm saying "whu?" and my mom just keeps going as if she just told me my sister had to do laundry or something. Now some of you would be excited and yelling "Tell me more!" if you just heard this news flash, but in my family it's a little different. You see, this will be my sisters fourth marriage. You heard it right folks 4! I guess I should also mention that she is only forty. I should also mention that the man she is marrying is still not finished with the community service he is serving for the last "encounter" with said sister, and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure if there is still a restraining order out on him or not. Ain't love grand, or should I say, ain't joint insurance policies grand?

Replies: 8 have commented

Dude...you don't say. So what color is your tuxedo?...and what do you get someone for such a momentous occasion? Another classic tale from our Simi Valley "white trash" society. Jean Jeanie...Ain't love grand.

Jeff said @ 04/23/2004 08:44 PM PST

uh, you have a sister? I need to start coming to the meetings.

I'd probably rather get married to a guy that smacks me around (an assumption based on the restraining order comment) than do a garage sale with my parents, especially with all their old stuff. Maybe this is just a really good excuse to get out of it?

The good news is, it seems she doesn't keep 'em for too long, so maybe the next one will be better...

Keep breathing

dar said @ 04/24/2004 12:33 AM PST

that's an average of one marriage every ten years. i know a lot of people who'd be happy for their marriage to last ten years. heck, one friend's only lasted nine months.

i'm betting the tuxes are powder-blue, just like the one i wore for my junior prom.

have fun!

copygodd said @ 04/25/2004 06:18 PM PST

One every ten years if she started getting married when she was born. I think her first marriage was at about age 18 so that makes it approx. one every five years. Oh, and the first one lasted the longest with two kids. I think maybe about ten years. Is my math right? I was always better at geometry. I can't believe I'm letting the world know how fucked up my family is. I won't even get started on the rest of the dysfunction.

Brooks said @ 04/25/2004 10:43 PM PST

Hang in there, Brooks. They always say there's 1 in every family. I hope that didn't come off as harsh, just I think everyone can empathize in some way.

Megan said @ 04/26/2004 10:32 AM PST

No Tux. We're not invited. I think the quote from my sister to her man was something like, "Well, your family isn't gonna come, and my family isn't gonna come, Let's just go to Vegas!" Yes, one in every family. I spent the better part of my life making sure it wasn't me.

Brooks said @ 04/26/2004 11:20 AM PST

I have "one" I think - actually more than one...lol..Holy cr*p, they are coming to Vegas? We'd better plan ahead huh? Let's crash it. I can get some Elvis suits...

dar said @ 04/27/2004 01:03 AM PST

heck, according to some people in my family, i'm the one.

copygodd said @ 04/28/2004 12:07 PM PST